By J.A Adisa
Conflict is an
offshoot of clash of interest between two or more people. Human Beings live in
groups in every given society. The smallest group of the society is family.
Relationships, of necessity, develop between two or more people who find
themselves living together in a family or in a particular geographical location
(i.e. beyond the family). In any given society, people tend to cluster together
based on their ethnicity or religious affiliation. There will always be clash
of interest where we have more than one person living together. This clash of
interest is what results into conflict. The cause of the clash may be
religious, ethnic based, i.e. cultural differences or that of personal
interest. The point is, there is no relationship that is devoid of
misunderstanding. At times, a seemingly simple misunderstanding can degenerate
into a conflict ad if care is not taken, it can escalate to a war.
It is always
good to have an understanding of and respect for the view and beliefs of the
other person we relate with. When a misunderstanding ensues, a quick
intervention is always necessary to nip the problem in the bud before it
results into a brawl. The truth of the matter is, no matter the seriousness of
conflict, the warring parties will still resort to dialogue at the end of the
day.
In resolving
conflict, the ability to listen is very paramount on the part of the
intervener. In any situation, if the people involved in the conflict had taken
time to listen to each other or to one another and had shown some understanding
and consideration for the other person (s), the conflict would have been
averted.
Listening is not
synonymous with hearing; it is not everybody that has the ability to hear that
listens. Listening is a skill that has to be developed. A skilled listener
listens to understand the position of the other person. He listens to get the
clues or points that give insights into the other person’s position. He pays special
attention to the other person’s choice of words, tone and body language. What
most of the time serve as obstacles to communication are the inability to
listen intelligently and skillfully to the other person.
Listening is not
a passive action. Rather, it is an active process that demands a rapt attention
on the part of the listener.
Active listening
is time demanding. It involves patience but many of us are always in a hurry to
speak rather than listen. This is what results to argument among people. Where
people are able to listen well to each other, conflict is reduced to the
bearest minimum. The emotional importance of listening is the soothing effect it
has both on the speaker and the listener. When you give your full attention to
a person by listening, you are saying in other words that you are interested in
what he or she is saying and that the person is important enough to merit your
time and attention. It is always good to hear the other person out; it is an
opportunity for him or her to let off the steam. When you give someone a fair
hearing, he respects your judgment more. The quality of your listening can
actually control another person’s ability to talk. Ahuja Pramila et.al. in
their book ‘How to Resolve Conflicts Through Listening’, said, “A good listener
plays the role of both mirror and sounding board that throws back a reflection
of the speaker, giving him a chance to see and hear himself in a way that might
not otherwise be possible”. When you
listen well to the other person, you are investing into his or her life; at the
end there will be dividends of peace accruing to both parties. As a husband, be
patient with your wife; to listen to her. She would not be happy if you cut her
short while talking. Do not pass your judgment on an issue before she concludes
talking. Doing that may result to emotional or even psychological problems.
The same thing
goes for a woman. Develop the ability to listen to your husband. He needs
someone to pour out his mind to and that is you. You are his confidant. When he
faces challenges in the office, he should find succour in you. The ability to
listen does not end with spouses alone, in relating with your children, in –
laws, friends, colleagues, neighbours, and even house helps, you need to
exercise patience in listening to whoever you are relating with. Listening is
the life blood of any relationship. Listening is to a relationship what the
eyes are to the body.
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