Christians & Fashion: Matters arising.

Dressing and fashion in this age and time is so ubiquitous due to globalization. fashion trends in the U.S.A is the same with what obtains in Europe, Africa and everywhere else. many years ago you could pick out a Christian from the crowd as a result of their dressing which where usually uninspiring to say the least. However, one thing common in Christian dressing of yester years is that they covered people's body non the least their private areas.In these days however, these private areas are not so private anymore and this fashion trend has gotten a firm grip on Christians all over the world. Some years  ago i was in a wedding ceremony with a christian sister. I couldn't concentrate because the gown she wore was quite shut and sitting down revealed quite a large chunk of her thighs. I had to stand up eventually and move somewhere else. Maybe i just didn't have enough self control!

God says we should dress for glory and beauty [Exo 28]. We are not to dress for beauty only nor for glory only; whatever i put on should glorify God and be beautiful. And as we can see, glory comes before beauty.

I therefore pose the following questions:

1] What is right in wearing clothes that expose female breast and skimpy skirts?
2] What is right in men sagging their trousers?
3] What do females think and expect when they put on revealing clothes?
4] Are men really moved by these female actions towards serious relationships?
5] Does our dressing reflect our spiritual maturity?

Please I would really appreciate your comment/opinion on any or all of these questions. Thank you.

THE IMPORTANCE OF LISTENING IN CONFLICT RESOLUTION

By J.A Adisa 

Conflict is an offshoot of clash of interest between two or more people. Human Beings live in groups in every given society. The smallest group of the society is family. Relationships, of necessity, develop between two or more people who find themselves living together in a family or in a particular geographical location (i.e. beyond the family). In any given society, people tend to cluster together based on their ethnicity or religious affiliation. There will always be clash of interest where we have more than one person living together. This clash of interest is what results into conflict. The cause of the clash may be religious, ethnic based, i.e. cultural differences or that of personal interest. The point is, there is no relationship that is devoid of misunderstanding. At times, a seemingly simple misunderstanding can degenerate into a conflict ad if care is not taken, it can escalate to a war.

It is always good to have an understanding of and respect for the view and beliefs of the other person we relate with. When a misunderstanding ensues, a quick intervention is always necessary to nip the problem in the bud before it results into a brawl. The truth of the matter is, no matter the seriousness of conflict, the warring parties will still resort to dialogue at the end of the day.

In resolving conflict, the ability to listen is very paramount on the part of the intervener. In any situation, if the people involved in the conflict had taken time to listen to each other or to one another and had shown some understanding and consideration for the other person (s), the conflict would have been averted.

Listening is not synonymous with hearing; it is not everybody that has the ability to hear that listens. Listening is a skill that has to be developed. A skilled listener listens to understand the position of the other person. He listens to get the clues or points that give insights into the other person’s position. He pays special attention to the other person’s choice of words, tone and body language. What most of the time serve as obstacles to communication are the inability to listen intelligently and skillfully to the other person.

Listening is not a passive action. Rather, it is an active process that demands a rapt attention on the part of the listener.

Active listening is time demanding. It involves patience but many of us are always in a hurry to speak rather than listen. This is what results to argument among people. Where people are able to listen well to each other, conflict is reduced to the bearest minimum. The emotional importance of listening is the soothing effect it has both on the speaker and the listener. When you give your full attention to a person by listening, you are saying in other words that you are interested in what he or she is saying and that the person is important enough to merit your time and attention. It is always good to hear the other person out; it is an opportunity for him or her to let off the steam. When you give someone a fair hearing, he respects your judgment more. The quality of your listening can actually control another person’s ability to talk. Ahuja Pramila et.al. in their book ‘How to Resolve Conflicts Through Listening’, said, “A good listener plays the role of both mirror and sounding board that throws back a reflection of the speaker, giving him a chance to see and hear himself in a way that might not otherwise be possible”.  When you listen well to the other person, you are investing into his or her life; at the end there will be dividends of peace accruing to both parties. As a husband, be patient with your wife; to listen to her. She would not be happy if you cut her short while talking. Do not pass your judgment on an issue before she concludes talking. Doing that may result to emotional or even psychological problems.

The same thing goes for a woman. Develop the ability to listen to your husband. He needs someone to pour out his mind to and that is you. You are his confidant. When he faces challenges in the office, he should find succour in you. The ability to listen does not end with spouses alone, in relating with your children, in – laws, friends, colleagues, neighbours, and even house helps, you need to exercise patience in listening to whoever you are relating with. Listening is the life blood of any relationship. Listening is to a relationship what the eyes are to the body.

The 'Love' Story Of Two Siblings

Sometime after this, David's son Amnon fell in love with David's other son Absalom's beautiful sister Tamar. Amnon became so emotionally distressed that he fell sick over his half-sister Tamar. She was a virgin, and Amnon found it difficult to do anything to her. Meanwhile, Amnon had a friend named Jonadab, who was the son of David's brother Shimeah. Now Jonadab was a very shrewd man. "Why are you so depressed these past few mornings," Jonadab asked Amnon, "since you're a son of the king? Why not tell me?" Amnon replied, "I'm in love with my brother Absalom's sister Tamar." Jonadab advised him, "Lie down and fake being sick. When your father visits you, ask him, 'Please let my sister Tamar come and give me something to eat that she prepares especially for me, and after she makes dinner for me, let her feed it to me personally.'" So Amnon lay down and faked being sick. When the king came to visit him, Amnon asked the king, "Please let my sister Tamar come and make some of her bread especially for me, so she can feed it to me personally." So David sent for Tamar back at the palace, telling her, "Please go to your brother Amnon's home and prepare some food for him." Tamar went to her brother Amnon's home, where he was lying down. She brought along some dough, kneaded it, prepared some cakes especially for him, baked them, and emptied the baking skillet just for him, but he refused to eat. "Send everybody out of here," Amnon said. So everyone left the room. Amnon told Tamar, "Bring the food into my private bedroom, so I can eat it with you personally." So Tamar took the cakes she had prepared and brought them into the private bedroom for her brother Amnon. But as soon as she brought them near him to eat, he overpowered her and told her, "Come here and have sex with me, my sister!" "No, my brother!" she kept telling him. "Don't humiliate me like this! This just isn't done in Israel! Don't do this utterly foolish thing! And what about me? Where will I go to escape this disgrace? And as for you, you'll be known as one of Israel's greatest fools! So please talk to the king, because he won't withhold me from you!" But he was unwilling to listen to what she was saying. Since he was stronger than she was, he forced her into having sex with him. Afterwards, though, Amnon hated her very intensely. As a result, his hatred for her exceeded the love that he had previously for her. So Amnon told her, "Get up! Leave!" (2Sa 13:1-15 ISV)

THE MAN, THE WOMAN AND THEIR GOD

EKKLESIA CONFERENCE 2013

CONFERENCE CENTER, UNIVERSITY OF IBADAN, NIGERIA

4pm Prompt

I Returned !

I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.(Ecc 9:11 KJV)

I don’t know about you but there are many things I have received that I did not merit. I have won races [not literally] in which I was not the fastest; won battles I thought I should have lost; gotten provision in ways I didn’t expect and received favour when doors seemed shut. In other words, I have been a candidate of God’s favour and mercy over and over again. Like Solomon I returned [observed, considered] these things and concluded that God is faithful.

Maybe you are reading this and you are not convinced God has been good to you; as a matter of fact you think God has some explanation to do concerning some things in your life. Many times we are so consumed with our problems we simply refuse to see the good things God has thrown in our paths. The point is that we do not take time to objectively consider and observe the totality of events in our lives. When we do, we begin to see that we have absolutely many things to be grateful for. When we count our blessing and name one by one, we would be surprised to see what God has done!

In another perspective, how many times have we had the privilege to return… literally? You went out yesterday and returned home safe. You went to the hospital pregnant and returned with a baby. You  went to college years ago and you returned to your family. You started a business venture and you returned with profit. You went for surgery and you returned alive. Every time we return we have a chance to celebrate the faithfulness of God. When we celebrate God’s faithfulness we open doors for greater blessings.

The Response of a Lover

I will rise now, and go about the city in the streets, and in the broad ways I will seek him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not. The watchmen that go about the city found me: to whom I said, Saw ye him whom my soul loveth? It was but a little that I passed from them, but I found him whom my soul loveth: I held him, and would not let him go………………………………… (Son 3:2-4 KJV)

Every time I see him my heart skips a beat, my palms begin to sweat and the smile on my face is so bright it can light a stadium. I seldom look into his eyes, not because I am shy but because the intensity of his loving gaze seems more than my mind can contain. Could a man love a woman this much? Many times when I am alone I wonder aloud, ‘can there be a greater love than this?’

In all things however, it is our fellowship with one another that I love the most. By fellowship I refer to time together spent talking, walking, holding hands, feeding on the uniqueness of each other’s celestial and terrestrial beauty, having intercourse or simply enjoying the tranquility in silently gazing at nature’s beauty. 

Please do not imagine that this relationship is all about me. It is true that I cannot equivocally say that I love him like he loves me but I keep trying.  You see, it seems as if all he needs from me is to have the right attitude to his love towards me. I see him smile when I respond to his words and his touch. It is obvious his delight emanates from my positive response to his love for me.

I look forward always to his speaking to me, talking with me or instructions for me. I delight in the wisdom in his words and the now expected positive result from heeding his instructions. Well, many of the female specie would frown at my dependence on him and fascination with who he is. But, day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year, the more I depend on him the better my relationship with him becomes. The interesting thing is; the benefits of our relationship supersedes the two of us, it brings the best out of my relationship with others and more importantly I feel whole in my body, soul and spirit.

This is my story; the story of a lover and the one he loves. I know you want to know more about me but I don’t think you need to. Anyway, let me at least intimate you with my name and the name of my lover.

My name is ‘Christian’ and my lover’s name is Jesus. 

God is faithful (reliable, trustworthy, and therefore ever true to His promise, and He can be depended on); by Him you were called into companionship and participation with His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. (1Co 1:9 AMP)

God is faithful, by whom ye were called unto the fellowship [Greek; koinonia: participation, communion, fellowship, intercourse] of his Son Jesus Christ our Lord. (1Co 1:9 KJV)

It Will Come To Pass!

Just as rain and snow descend from the skies and don't go back until they've watered the earth, Doing their work of making things grow and blossom, producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry, So will the words that come out of my mouth not come back empty-handed. They'll do the work I sent them to do, they'll complete the assignment I gave them. (Isa 55:10-11, MSG)

Abraham was now 70 years old and he had been married to beautiful Sarah for quite some years now. Thiers was a blissful marriage, what you would call a marriage made in heaven BUT they had no child. Year upon year it was the same story. Abraham and his wife grew old and the shame of childlessness stuck to them like a stamp. God had told Abraham he would make him the father of many nations but how could that be when Abraham didn’t even have a child. But then God visited them when every physical fact pointed to the impossibility of their situation; Sarah gave birth to a baby boy when Abraham was a hundred years old. God promised the impossible; it didn’t look like it would happen; BUT IT CAME TO PASS. [Genesis 13, 15, 16, 17, 18, 21]

Once upon a time there lived a young boy with his family in a certain country. This boy, though young, had great expectations for his future. He constantly shared his visions with anyone who cared to listen. The young boy believed that it was God who had given him these visions so he was confident of their fulfillment. However as time went on everything went wrong! It seems as if he was moving in the very opposite direction of the fulfillment of his dreams and he began to wonder if these visions of his were just figments of his imagination; he wasn’t sure anymore if God was the source of these visions. That boy was Joseph and it took him more than two decades and painful experiences in the pit and the prison before God’s word came to pass; BUT IT CAME TO PASS.  [Genesis 37, 39, 40, 41]

What about David, the man after God’s heart. He was a boy of seventeen when Prophet Samuel came to his father’s house and anointed him as the next king of Israel. The events that followed in the after years supposedly contradicted prophecy about him. For many years he was a fugitive in his own country running from pillar to post. King Saul was bent on destroying him but in the face of all his troubles the word of God still CAME TO PASS.

Many times as Christians we have found ourselves in similar dilemmas. We have visions that we believe God gave to us and we have believed God for the fulfillment. God has given us promises that seems would never come to pass. Months have passed and years have rolled by and the fulfillment is not in sight; at least that is what it looks like. For some, the situation about which God spoke to them about has gone from bad to worse. The question now remains: will God’s word come to pass? Can we still trust God in the midst of all these? Why does it look like there is such a wide gulf between God’s word and our experiences? 

It is obvious that when God speaks to us the manifestation of that word is usually not immediate; that is, there is usually a time interlude between when God speaks and the realization of his word. On the other hand the scripture states that God’s word CANNOT return to him void without accomplishing what it was it was sent to do (Isa 55:11).   How then do we marry these two seemingly divergent realities? What exactly do we need to understand?

Every Christian must understand that the veracity of God’s word is absolutely predicated on who God is. That is, the ‘sureness’ of the fulfillment of God’s word to a man is a direct result of the character and personality of the almighty God. And the one character of God that gives us the assurance of the fulfillment of his word is his faithfulness. What is faithfulness? Faithfulness is a firm adherence to promises, duty or friendship; it is a state of constant and sincere moral fidelity. In relation to God what this means is that God cannot lie: He means what he says and he says what he means. No wonder the bible says in the book of Hebrews chapter six verse eighteen that it is impossible for God to lie.

Many of us have held on to God’s word for a long time and it seems as if it will never come to pass.  You have believed God for the salvation of your spouse; for that promotion at work; for a house of your own; for healing of a disease and one time or the other God has spoken to you about these things but it has not yet been made manifest. At this point it is tempting to just give up and conclude that it isn’t ever going to happen. However, I stand to tell you that if God said it, and you believe it, that settles it; it will surely come to pass. I like the way the message translation of the bible put Hebrews 6; 17-19:

When God wanted to guarantee his promises, he gave his word, a rock-solid guarantee-- God can't break his word. And because his word cannot change, the promise is likewise unchangeable. We who have run for our very lives to God have every reason to grab the promised hope with both hands and never let go. It's an unbreakable spiritual lifeline, reaching past all appearances right to the very presence of God.

Brothers and sisters let me state unequivocally that God’s word is worth holding on to no matter the situation you are in now because IT WILL SURELY COME TO PASS.